I've just spent the weekend moving house, and I'm a bit of a nervous wreck after all the stress and exertion. Today being the first morning at my new abode, I should have been rejoicing at living near Denmark Hill station so I wouldn't have to start each day at the mercy of the inefficiencies of Thameslink, the world's worst rail service. Unfortunately today I had to go to pick up a prescription from the doctor, whose surgery is - you guessed it - right next to Lowbrow Junction Thameslink station. I had to wait for the receptionist who was having a gossip with her pal, and the stupid old cow made me miss the train. Sure enough there was a 35-minute wait until the next train, so it was back to the usual nightmare.

The day got worse - my all-day high-powered meeting with broadcast engineers was interrupted by a phone call from a very cross Nina. My first act as her new housemate was to lock her in the house on the morning of her job interview, and she was spitting teeth. I did my grovelling bit, but was soon diverted to a more pressing issue. During the power-meeting, the pen I was nervously chewing leaked and covered my hand in ink and turned my teeth black. Oh joy.

Am now in therapy.

I spent all day Saturday moving house. Constant exertion and the lack of a spare moment to have the smallest snack meant I was running on adrenalin and no nourishment - and those who know my appetite will appreciate the gravity of this state of affairs.

At the end of the day I arrived late at Moggy's birthday meal in Dulwich. We waited for a long time for our starters. When the pan- fried ackee with red lentil cake and avocado and tomato salsa finally arrived I was suffering from low blood-sugar and was beginning to feel delirious with hunger, so I started to tuck in heartily.

I only manage a spoonful when Lady Misfortune smiled on me: the waitress, attempting to serve someone with wine, picked up the wine bottle which knocked over my wine glass. The glass shattered and covered my pan-fried ackee with red lentil cake in broken glass, rendering the food inedible.

Opened the living room window today to water my window box. As the bedroom window was open at the back of the house, and it was a windy day, a huge gust of wind blasted unexpectedly through the house and blew the window box off the ledge. It fell down a storey into the basement and smashed.

It put me in mind of the bowl of petunias falling to its death over the planet Magrathea in the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - "Oh no, not again."